Tuesday, February 7, 2012

WWII: the race

If you figure out what the title stands for, kudos to you (the candy bar, not the congratulations).

Consider this a continued thought from my last post, of the stream-of-consciousness variety.

The little tracking ball is proceeding closer and closer to the end of the red line...approaching the gray...unknown. Anxiety is almost to the point of an aneurysm - "C'mon red line! GO! He's catching UP!!!" I'm not even paying attention to the video anymore. My full attention is on the race. As far as I'm concerned, it's a race the red line should never lose. Technology should be beyond a silver medal for a red line. Sadly though, it often does lose, in which case I usually exit out (see my last post to find out why) and try again later when whatever magical thing that makes the internet faster comes back from break. What is "buffering," anyway? It's complete BS that I have to wait for a video to "load" before I can watch it in full. We are past the days of loading. I should be able to get everything instantaneously when I am online. That symbol, the little circle of successively bulging dots that pops up when the tracking ball catches up to the red line, is a terrible one. It's the white flag for red lines. "I give up, I've been defeated." If I put that symbol as the logo of my blog, no one would ever read it again - "well, his blog is still buffering, guess I'll have to come back later. Yep, still buffering." And if you dare click pause in the presence of the symbol, it's all over. You created an eternal buffer. You essentially murdered the red line, and it is stuck eternally before the finish. Refresh the page and start again. Someone needs to tell the tracking ball that it's OK to finish second sometimes, it's OK to slow down every once in awhile. Keep seeing red, if you will. So far it's a never ending battle, but I only hope one day the red line reigns victorious in all web videos, all around the world, all the time. Only then will one of our major web woes be put to rest, once and for ball (I apologize, but I just had to).


  1. Dear hypothetically speaking,

    When I saw that you started a blog I was rather disappointed. I have always considered blogs annoying in the same sense that I find twitter annoying. Ive seen them as a platform for people with boring lives to talk about their boring lives (if its boring then why would we want to read about it? (yes I can use parentheses too)). Blogs have also been known to help people who are too shy to speak to face to face with people, share their feelings of emotion to a machine, which so happens to share these feelings with the rest of the world. Again, who cares? Exactly what makes you, or any other blogger for that matter, so special that you all think the rest of the world would want to know what is going on in your typical, consumer driven, cattle like, American lives. Don't get me wrong, I love America and I love living in the greatest country in the world. Now if a member of Seal team six had a blog, or perhaps New York police officer, or even a school teacher working in a bad neighborhood, then I would be interested. But usually the people blogging are the type of people that we would run into on the Real World or Jersey Shore; again, this coming from my limited experience with blogs.

    Now I know I am somewhat of a hypocrite in saying this because I do have a Facebook page and once had a myspace page. As anyone living in this modern world would know, between pictures, status updates and endless personal information, the Facebook and myspace pages are glorified blogs. Regardless, I was still disappointed in you...

    Despite my disappointment, I decided to read your blog as you are my friend and I was genuinely curious. After reading your “First Speech” I was unexpectedly delighted with your humor and sarcasm. Perhaps this was simply because I know you and know your mannerisms. Then I moved on to the “Web Woes” that you have been having. This is when I changed my mind about blogs. I don’t know if it was me picturing you watching a toilet water level rise hoping it wouldn’t over flow or the fact I was laughing so hard I began to wet myself (seriously, a little pee came out). I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blogs and look forward to reading more as I can always use a good laugh. Your clever writing never ceases to show me how much smarter you are than myself and people I normally hang around (Come on Max and Jake, who are we kidding?) And despite me proofreading this three times, I hope you dont loose to much sleep over my gramtical errors. You no ritng has never been my strong suit….

    1. Dear whoever this may bean...I mean be,

      Thank you for your kind words, immediately preceded by your mean ones. If you know me as well as you claim, you know I agree with your sentiment about blogs for the most part. That is precisely why I decided to start this one. Its purpose is to be different. Instead of boring drivel about how awesome or sad I think my life is, I prefer entertaining people - and you know writing is one of my very few strong suits, which makes this extra fun. Glad to hear I have succeeded in grabbing your attention. Stay posted for more sarcastic and slightly uncomfortable accounts that will make you laugh. Also, I miss you. Even though I have never "met" you.

  2. So this is not the bitter anonymous that wrote above. The one who wrote above should have a slice of "it's technology and it's called the first amendment." Blogging is major form of communication nowadays. So get off your front porch old man, stop yelling at kids on their skateboards or playing their games. It's called the modern age and blogging as well as online reporting is here to stay and if anything will become more prevelant in the future.