Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Soccer Quickly Becoming America's Like 4th or 5th Favorite Sport

A recent poll taken by randomly selected sports fans from around the nation indicated that the game of soccer, where you try and kick a ball into a goal, is drawing near to being among some of America's most popular sports.

"It's definitely up there," said one Chicago sports nut. "I mean, football is way better, and so is baseball, basketball, NASCAR, hockey, tennis, wrestling, and motocross, but after that, it's probably a pretty close tie between soccer and golf.

The nationwide poll asked participants to rate their favorite sports according to watchability, athletic aptitude, and, of course, hitting. Soccer was consistently listed in the top ten in all three of these categories, which is really only nine spots away from number one.

"Soccer is darn near my 5th or 6th favorite sport," noted a respondent from Texas. "The way those fellas get up there and head that ball without gettin' a headache is pretty dang cool."

Some of the more traditional American sports fans, however, were a bit irritated at the results of the poll, remarking how "weird" of a sport soccer is, "bein' that they count up instead of down," and "there's no hot beer lady commercials." "Anyone could run around a big field all day passin' a ball back and forth," said a football fan.

Despite such sentiments, the fact remains that a soccer game in Boston brought in 4,037 people last week, which surpasses the average attendance of the American Badminton League, the Field Hockey Association of America, and the WNBA.

At press time, the poll had just been taken in the UK, and the results were drastically in favor of football, with the word 'soccer' not being listed by any of the respondents. The pollers are investigating this unexpected result.


  1. Just when I think I've read the funniest you come up with a funnier one. I love when you quote "the people". HISTERICAL, AGAIN!!!!!
    Don't you worry, your favorite sport will gain appreciation some day :)

  2. The attitude in this piece of work makes it so much more entertaining, well done.